pros, more professional mobility, more interesting, potential for salary raise in june (when id actually start needing money for student loans)

cons, may make me broke before then, would take on part time job as waiter as only source of income, may have less time for fun

apr 13 – 2009

Today was great, because I was able to fill the open territory in Billings, Montana. I certainly hope they do a goodjob with the leads, it’s always a strange feeling to imagine my company is so “inefficient” in so many sectors of marketing ourselves despite our large web presence in the advertising sphere— and then putting our success into the hands of people we can’t track – aye >_<. I guess that’s the nature of the internet though, everyone’s an entrepreneur. I wish more people would realize the value added though and help me out

Also took a phone interview today around lunch time for a San Francisco-based Marketing and PR firm’s unpaid internship. They suggested possibly part-time. They will give me a call on Wednesday to see about an interview. I feel kind of weird about all of it though, part of me thinks I should let my management know I am considering an occupation change; however, what if I don’t end up taking it? It’d be silly to say I’m leaving and then not…

Alex was also pretty emo today. Apparently his entire division is up for review tomorrow, and the division hasn’t been doing so hot. He is worried about getting canned. I don’t think he will be, as hes a hard worker, but I guess it’s not really my call.

Crap, I’m addicted to this fun & cute little flash game

http://stickabee.mybrute.com/
Anyone heard of this?

Click on the link and take ten seconds to create a “brute” to challenge mine, Stickabee.A fun and silly little game that can help kill a few minutes. Or more, depending on how addicted you can get to crazy flash games.  Lol

But yeah, go challenge my brute. Now. Now!

inside

war doesn’t leave me alone
when i leave the office
and drive into the sun burning up

there are old men and men in suits
looking at me and i want to fight
i am the inside of my work

i think of her and it feels a little better
that is reason enough

Never take it personally

I called a woman today, and I had exactly what she wanted
A row of velvet eggs with life inside
And the armrest chair lifted me into the air
Cries the felt-tipped mirror.

I wanted to grab her through the phone
thank you / thank you
you are what I wanted too.

no work is easy.

the most rewarding

is from within.

take each fear down,

and place it below your feet.

Mystery

The other day, I went “up the mountain,” an expression which has been in my family for the past ten years. What it is is ching ming , an annual Chinese tradition that memorializes the dead. You burn ghost money, bow, pray, etc etc. My grandfather died 10 years ago, and while certainly I see po po (grandmother) choose to re-face the sadness of losing her husband every year, the immediately weight of death has long been replaced by acceptance and respect for gung gung‘s  (grandfather’s) life. My grandfather was buried in Mountain View Cemetary in Oakland, CA, which is why we call it going up the mountain (it’s sorta up a mountain). Ching ming is one of the rare times I get to see nearly all of my extended family, and afterwards, we usually get lunch in Alameda at this pretty good dimsum place to catch up.

One uncle I don’t see too often is Uncle Oscar. He’s the only Mexican relative I have and he also happens to be a Jehovah’s Witness. This means he doesn’t often celebrate birthdays or Christmas or anything really for that matter. He was there the other day though and he is actually a pretty funny guy. He has been an electrician for most of his life, married my Aunt, and has 4 kids.

I know this is a pretty long intro to the story, but I guess this sentence will do just as well as any other transition sentence:

Over ha gao and siu mai Uncle Oscar was explaining why one should have more than one kid:

“You gotta have more than one kid, because if you don’t you’re taking mystery out of your life. With just one kid, you can come home and find something’s broken, but then, you know exactly who it is. But if there’s two kids, then you aren’t sure, it’s a mystery.”

He laughed for a second here, and then continued:

“Yeah, there are things in my house that have broken and I still don’t know for the life of me who did it. I’d come home and have three kids in front of me with blank faces. ‘Okay, kids. Who did it…’ I’d be met with three identical faces of innocence. I’d always laugh to myself seeing them just  a few minutes before whispering to each other, ‘Shhh dont tell; dont tell!’”

I guess it was best not knowing anyway?

yellow-on-yellow racism, i has it.

i hate cemetaries and i hate chinese boys and even some chinese girls
i think cemetaries would be a great place to pick up those
cute high school asian girls, i wanna holla, is that weird?
maybe it’s the vicinity of death. life in the face of it?
i am coughing from the ashes of the trashcan full of ghostmoney
that that guy is burning right next to us; fuck you old man, move your shit.
i want to kick his trashcan over so his entire family
catches on fire and screams just like in the movies.
i’d throw them off the ledge, i’d kick over their family’s tombstone.

sometimes i wonder at my rage, where is this anger coming from?

Trainings nearly done

Chris and Adam kept up their training today, and we did a lot of roleplay to prepare for the calls we’re going to be making. It was a very tiring day. Took a nap when I got home but I’m still pretty tired. I might have allergies as well… anyway I  really really need to draw a diagram of the sales and service process for myself. As a graphical learner,  it’ll help me to feel more comfortable with the program tomorrow. I also need to clean my room. Ugh, this blog is turning out to be quite whiny haha. Heres a poem since one of my life goals is to write a poem everyday:

Commitment

Young and with the cool summer breeze in our faces,
It is easy to hold your tiny hand and find that we float,
Two ducks, the only two
In the lake.

But sometimes, natural storms may push
Me, away from you;
And in a panic, I try to hide behind
The simple duck life of floating.
Drifting.

The only difference between floating and
Drifting is
Contentment.
Were I not to miss
The feeling of you in my hand,
And if the lake did not feel vast
And empty without you,
I would consider floating,
But these things are home
And I feel marooned.

For this reason, I am glad to be a man,
Able to build a boat to weather the storms
And prevent the drifting of our hearts.

Build this ship with me, my matey
I will plie the oars
and we can set sail for the storm,
The point is
We float on.

I am sorry it took so long for me to commit but it is good we have set the sails. I am glad to have you here.

underpressure,heartattack

8-5, I heft the weight, and even the overhead shade feels
heavy
when the sun crack down,

sore from the burden, the sunkin wreck is that i lift
iron
against the grain, while my arteries are shot to pieces

chest fills with sand, and only at the seemingly
last exhale,

one thought stops
to deflate:

over the slope
, i siesta
next to her feather seabed
and kid -  nap
stow’way dreams
of she.

I like this stuff by Justin David Cox “Face Stuffing Queso Eater”

Justin David Cox | Face Stuffing Queso Eater.

“Justin David Cox is a twenty-something designer/photographer living in Austin Texas… He is a member of Porch Party and works out of a shared space in east Austin known as Public School.”

I like the minimalistic style of this guy’s work; I’d seriously buy the CC or the animal collective or the R@@@.